the glass child

Dear Diary,

I recently wrote a song called “glass child.”

It currently has 194.6k views on TikTok, and a ton of people commenting how much they can relate to being said glass child. Woah.

First of all, what is a glass child?

Well this is how Google defines it, so here you go. However, I think the term can be applied to many different sibling dynamics.

(I have a separate blog post called “the golden child” which explains a lot of my childhood, so go read that to make this entry make sense.)

Growing up, I never felt ignored or abandoned by my parents because of my sibling. I never felt like they didn’t care or didn’t give me attention.

However, I always felt like I had to be independent because I know I didn’t need the attention to feel loved. That’s just not my personality when it comes to family.

My mom and dad were my best friends in high school. Maybe that sounds lame lol, but I grew up in a small town where there weren’t that many groups of friends to choose from.

There was a period during my sophomore year that I didn’t really have any friends besides my parents. That was the time when kids were experimenting with alcohol and partying which was never my scene, so I would stay home and watch movies or read books or work on my little recipe e-book or edit some YouTube videos.

Throughout this time, my sibling was going through a lot with drug addiction, and I had to see a lot of things at a young age that made me grow up pretty fast. And throughout the years, she was the one who showed me in a lot of ways what to do and what not to do.

My parents didn’t have a choice.

Not when it came to her. I’m not a parent, but I cannot imagine having a child who has fallen into addiction. And they did everything they could do for her and still do.

I remember them going to pick her up in the middle of the night from God knows where countless times because she called. They were there.

I remember them paying for her to get the help she needed countless times, even when she didn’t want it. They were there.

So as a younger sister, I stepped back. I didn’t want the attention. I didn’t want to be in the way even if my parents never made me feel like I was.

I stepped out of the spotlight. I wanted them to choose her over me because I was okay.

I learned a lot being the glass child.

I learned what makes a good decision and what makes a bad decision. I learned what friends I needed to have around. I learned that being quiet isn’t a weakness. I learned that no one knows me like my Father in Heaven does, not even myself. I learned to be grateful. I learned to be gentle and loving. I learned that being a glass child doesn’t mean I’m better than my sibling.

I think my biggest fear in writing this song was making it seem like I was asking for an apology or playing the victim. But I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. If I could, I would’ve taken my sister’s place a long time ago. But it’s not my job to save her. (I’ll leave that part to Jesus)

And I didn’t write this song because I am sad about how my life turned out or how I grew up. I’m not resentful toward my family in the least bit.

I wrote this song because it’s real. And I think it helps a lot of other people out there seem a little less alone in what they’ve been through.

And isn’t that what makes a beautiful song?

So, what is a glass child?

A glass child is ironically strong and ironically unbreakable.

If I know anything about myself or about how God made me, I know that I’m always looking on the brighter side of things. I’m always going to try and find ways to point everything back to Him, even how I grew up.

And I know that even when other people see through me, God sees all of me.

The only way I never shattered was because of Him.

- Tay